Astonished, Yet Dismayed. Enduring Ambitions.

When I was 16 I was pretty down on myself. I had all these dreams of things in life but they all seemed so far away and so unattainable to my adolescent self. I had such a yearning to see the world, but when I would look at the world map in the classroom it would make me feel inspired, yet demoralized. Amazed, yet insignificant. My euphoria was quickly overwhelmed by despair.

A time came much later that I was given a wonderful opportunity to embark on a little journey abroad. A perfect opportunity, something that I never thought would happen. I worked hard, got a minimum wage job, and saved up all the money I possibly could (being 16 and living with my parents was a definite plus). It was only at the moment when our plane landed at our destination in Italy that my feelings of demoralization finally shattered. Seeing cute little colorful rooftops paired with beautiful patches of an unfamiliar foreign land was enough to break those feelings. That view seemed as though it was right out of a picture book, an image I never thought I would be able to see in person. After my first trip around Europe, I vowed to myself that one day I would travel the world, no matter what it took. I didn’t want to ever let my self-doubt consume me or my dreams again. However, as time goes on, now and then I get that same feeling as when looked at that world map in class.

I realize and am grateful for my privilege. I know for many people traveling is unattainable. Money is a lifeforce for so many people and having a surplus can be rare. This is true for me too but I know that if I don’t actively pursue my dream it will quickly escape me, overturned by bills and everyday life. Yet you can’t give up, you have to be persistent. Nobody is going to pursue it for you. Make what you want a priority and pursue those unattainable dreams. It’s not just prioritizing them but always acknowledging those ambitions and never letting them fade away. Stay true to yourself and hold those childish dreams close.

Written by Holen Apparel